I’ve been trying to be more creatively engaged and productive lately. It’s a concerted effort and it’s never easy. My natural impulse is just to consume things. When left to my own devices, I seek slothful pleasure. I like to lay in bed and surf the Internet or watch TV. Sometimes I just stare into space and daydream. In theory I like ambition. In some of my daydreams, I am an accomplished and highly disciplined person. I admire the ability to make and best big audacious goals. But in practice, this is not my natural way of being. I can only induce such a state within me through self-applied force.

I think most people’s natural inclination is towards unproductive things. I have this theory that the easier it is to do something, the more destructive it is for you. This is a theory that frequently comes up for me. It bubbles up at random times in my brain. Like while showering or while in a sedated state of slightly stoned rumination. I also think you can judge how poisonous something is for you long term by how immediately pleasurable it is for you. I know that has a danger of sounding puritanical and that’s not how I intend it. What I mean is that cheap thrills never sustain over a long time. And a life made out of cheap thrills is hollow.

Let’s start with a more extreme and obvious example. Consider for example drinking and exercise. The former feels immediately rewarding and pleasurable, but gives you nothing in the long term. It is easy and destructive, pleasurable and poisonous. The latter feels like torture in the moment. Most people feel an intrinsic mental block to physical strain. Once you are moving, pushing yourself to the point of challenge becomes an even bigger hurtle. In this way, exercise is not easy. Movement is the opposite of stasis. It is good for you mentally and physically. Exercise is also often a protection against future decay. It strengthens rather than weakens. All of this also makes it not destructive and not poisonous.

Like a physical law, I have found that my theory works on everything I apply it to. Take also for example micro-behaviors like avoiding conflict versus having hard conversations. In this case, the former is pleasurable in the moment. Conflict is stressful. Avoiding stress feels good immediately. But in the long term this behavior produces fake, shallow friendships that aren’t nurturing or sustaining. On the other hand, most people are probably aware on some level (you would hope) that the best relationships require work.

I spent many years of my life avoiding discomfort. I enjoyed my life. It was fun and easy, just as I had designed it. But I realize now that a life built out of comfort is empty and even ultimately poisonous. Centering pleasure is an inherently self-absorbed position. Instead, I chose now to pick the harder road. I am still not always successful at this, but I don’t need to be. The point is not to build a life devoid of indulgence. The point is that comfort is not a reliable navigator.