My new laptop stopped charging this week and I’m not happy about it. I’ve been surprised at how much this small event has put a damper on my mood. I use my laptop every day in some way. I use to it create a background ambiance of music or laughter on demand. Living alone, this can be an easy shortcut to warming up a space.

But my laptop is also what I use for work, both personal and professional. It’s what I use to modify Excel spreadsheets and shoot off emails. But it’s also what I use to create workout plans. The Internet taught me how to dust my blinds, cook for myself, and how to use HTML tags. For better or for worse, the blue light glow of the computer screen has been my north star for all of my adult life. The Internet in many ways is where I learned to live, both in the literal and abstract sense.

So it does make sense that losing access to all of this would bum me out. I am not surprised by how much stress this incident has caused me, but I am disappointed.

I like to conceptualize myself as a person with agency. I attempt to be a fully autonomous being in my own life. But clearly I have a massive dependence on screens. Is this even avoidable? Is there any other way to live in 2026? And, even if there was an alternative, would I even be happy perusing that? Could I be happy with a life less tethered to screens and media noise, or have I been so warped by years of screen dependence that I am now discontent with things that are natural and real?

Unrelated to my technical troubles directly, I have been making a concerted effort lately to try and live more in reality. It’s difficult for me. It’s like going to dinner with someone you’ve spent a life time avoiding. But still I make a point to show up, even for five minutes. I’ve been reading paper books, drawing badly with my bare hands, and cleaning my space.

I think this practice is making me happier, but it’s a slow growing kind of happiness. At first I was frustrated by how much effort it took to pry myself away from my screen. It didn’t feel worth it. But I have been showing up to this practice for a couple of months now, and I do feel more measured and content.

It’s not a wild euphoric happiness that I have found. Incidents like my laptop acting up still irrationally upset me. I still don’t have a razor focused attention span and I might never develop it. But I am trying to remind myself that the practice is worth it. I don’t want my happiness and connection to the world to be gatekept by a piece of consumer electronics. I want to be fully inhabit my life. The only way I will be able to do that is by showing up to inhabit it and I have to make the choice to do so everyday.