I have found myself connecting with old friends over these past few months. Once the holidays were over, it felt like everyone suddenly came out of hibernation. Reunions followed and drinks were shared. Some of those connections were expected, and others less so.

One friend I reunited with unexpectedly for the first time in many years. A friend of a friend had told him I was back in town and he reached out to reminisce. This person had known me during a time in my life that now feels to me very far away. I used to live in a tiny studio apartment, in the shadow of a religious college and all of its holy buildings. There, inside the space that was both my living room and bedroom, I would have people over and we would hang out for days. If anyone got tired, they could and often would take a quick nap on my bed. Meanwhile the party would continue around them.

At first this place was a spot of positivity and fun. We would laugh and play, in an almost childlike state of easy wonder. But things turned grim after a period of time. Fun like that is inherently ephemeral and nearly always turns sour. Ours did once the legendary nights felt too daunting to keep up with. Long sleep-deprived nights turned into bitter mornings filled with arguments and regret. Deep inside, I knew things needed to end. When I got a job offer in another city, I took it.

We had one last weekend of celebration in my little studio before I boarded the plane. A rotating cast of guests filtered in and out of the space over the weekend. The air was thick with smoke and laughter and shared stories. We ended this epic weekend with a walk through the waterfront campus of the nearby college in the early hours of the morning, around three am. I can still remember that moment fondly. I knew that I needed to cut ties from this era of my life, but I was sad to see it go.

It was a bittersweet ending. I longed for the good old times. But in hindsight those happy early days were short lived. Maybe we only ever had one or two perfect nights and maybe everything else was just us chasing that initial early experience. Fun inherently relies on things that are difficult to capture, like spontaneity and variety. You can’t capture those things, you have to gently invite them in. I think this is where we probably went wrong when I look back at those times and try to figure out why they didn’t last.

But all of this being said, I have no regrets. As my friend and I talked, we reminisced about nights and early mornings in my old cramped studio. It was imperfect, but it was a spot where we could all be together. In that way it was like a temporary shelter and for that I am grateful.