I went to a concert this weekend. I was meeting a friend there, and when I got to the venue she was standing outside in a black crop top with shaggy hair, looking very rock n roll and casual. Between sets at the show, we talked about our jobs and the books we were reading. We stood across from each other, holding tallboy cans of cheap beer in front of our torsos.

I met this friend close to a year ago now. We met in a cemetery right before Halloween. There was a public walk through the cemetery grounds that had been advertised online that we both showed up for.

I had RSVP’d to the public posting, but the day of the event I was dragging my feet tremendously. I had moved to a new city alone a little over a year prior and was still getting my bearings about me. At this point, nearly all of my free time had gone into finding employment and housing, so my social life was still pretty underdeveloped. I knew I needed to get out there and start putting myself into situations where I could meet people and start to build a sense of community. But I also didn’t want to, because putting yourself out there is hard, especially when your energy is already being nibbled at by other the other commitments that life demands.

However it was a nice day, so I thought I could make a day of it. Instead of taking a car or transit, I would walk to the event and back. I took a gummy and caught a fuzzy little buzz. Then I walked out in the sunshine for a stroll to the graveyard. By the time I got there, there was already a group that had gathered at the entrance to the cemetery. Immediately I felt a bit out of place. There were lots of people younger than me, in expensive, coordinated workout gear. They listed off their big-name employers like status symbols.

But there was one couple that stood out to me, a man and a woman standing outside the crowd each dressed in all black. They came across as authentic and less performative than the other attendees. I struck up a conversation with them. We discussed life and death while walking among the stranger’s tombs.

We stayed in touch after the walk. For close to a year now, I have seen my new friend a couple of times a month. We’ve seen music together, explored museums, and shared personal stories over drinks. We are different people, both in terms of the lives we have lived and also in our personalities and interests, but we found ourselves at a time when we were both navigating a new space and in need of community. Being able to provide that to someone, and to benefit from their community at the same time, has been great. No matter where life takes me during this new chapter, I will forever be grateful for this early connection.