I’ve been living through a whirlwind of activity. After a long interview process, I snagged a new job with higher pay and more flexible hours. This was something I had been working toward for nearly a year now, passively, while I worked through my mundane office day job. The job I had been stuck in previously was, on the surface of things, steady and easy work. We arrived at the crack of dawn to complete mundane administrative tasks and left work while the sun was still up. The checks always cleared, and it was within walking distance of my apartment. But also, it was a toxic sludge pit. A cesspool of emotional immaturity, backstabbing, and wounded egos. Our manager reigned terror over our department, alternatively raging and withholding, but always causing confusion and hurt in her wake.

When I confided to one of my peers that I had got the job, she told me of even deeper scandals that had recently rippled through the office and had come to the surface. It involved misconduct and discrimination enacted by an executive and a subsequent attempt at a cover-up. That’s when I knew I absolutely needed to leave.

Our department manager, the one who lead the reign of terror, worked from home on Fridays. This meant she wasn’t around on the day I planned to leave, which was fine with me. I told my supervisor I was leaving in a private conversation the day of my departure. As long as I had known her, she had presented as a hard woman. She had been blunt, demanding, and harsh in her feedback when I worked for her. But when I told her I was leaving, her face finally softened and she congratulated me on getting out and encouraged me to not leave any notice. Taking her advice, I left a bare bones resignation letter on my desk and walked out on a Friday never to return. As soon as I walked out the door it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

The next week my mom came to visit me and we got out of the city and went hiking in a nearby state park. We stayed in a cabin when we weren’t on the trails. We shared drinks, laughs, long conversations and comfortable silences. I felt so lucky to get to have this experience with a parent in adulthood. It was nice to be able to give back some time and attention which she gave me in abundance as I was growing up.

After her visit, I geared up to go back to work, and this time in a new space. The personalities at my past workplace were so volatile that I was nervous to enter this new environment. I worried that I would be met with aggression and hostility, like I was at my last job.

Yet all this nervous energy built up in my body for nothing. I have experienced none of the difficulty here that I did at my previous job. The people I have met on my team have thus far been accommodating, open, and friendly. My nervous energy dissipated.

It’s a little bit weird being in this space after spending so much time in a more cutthroat one. I feel weird now, not having to walk on eggshells or to be able to tackle things at a normal pace. I am still getting used to it, and probably will be for a couple of months more now. But what a lovely thing to have to try and get used to!