I moved to a new city a little over two years ago now. I had spent the year prior mostly alone and in quiet reflection. At that point, I was living solo in the middle of the metro area of a small Midwestern city. I had an apartment inside of a renovated historical hotel. It was sparsely decorated. The bulk of the furnishings were my work from home gear. Outside of that one of the few major pieces I owned was a stereo made from a gutted Volkswagen radio system. Many evenings I would play the radio and pace my apartment, working my way through a four pack of tallboys and watching the city lights glow in the near distance. While Coldplay played for the fifth time that hour, I would think about everything I had done over the course of my life and everything I had yet to do. It was a year of reckoning, but when I emerged from that year I felt as though I had some idea of what direction I wanted to go in next.

I knew that I wanted to live in a different, larger city. I knew that, while I had spent the previous four years working as a developer on software teams, that I had reached the limits of my meager technical skill set and that to move forward I would either need to reinvest in my education or switch fields. I was feeling increasingly ready to do so, as I knew I didn’t want to work in a technical position forever and that I ultimately craved something less heads down. I knew that I wanted to diversify my social network. I didn’t want just a partner or a best friend, instead I wanted to prioritize building a community and a social ecosystem.

Two years prior to today, I was in the messy beginning parts of this process. I had moved to my dream city and had settled into an apartment I loved. But employment remained elusive, despite many close calls. After getting a rejection from a job during the last stage after a grueling multi-part process, I felt particularly demoralized. I started participating in everything that I thought could make me more employable. I would wake up in the wee hours of the morning to attend online seminars about new technologies, Red Bull in hand. I worked through online certificate programs and went to job hunting support groups.

During this point I also felt too overwhelmed and embarrassed by my situation to socialize in earnest, so it was a fairly solitary period. At times it was also quite lonely but also it was sometimes felt beautiful and pure. While I was isolated, I also had the rare privilege of being able to devote all my time to myself and my own growth.

One year later, I was steadily employed in a job that, despite paying less than I was used to, otherwise checked all my boxes. I had made it into a new field where my technical skills gave me an advantage, but where I was otherwise learning new skills every day. I remember this period being one of frequent exhaustion. The job environment was like none other I had ever encountered and sometimes it felt like my psyche was hanging on for dear life. I secured this full time employment in February 2024, so by summer of that year I was starting to have just enough energy leftover to begin to socialize.

Summer of last year marked my first steps of tentatively going out into the world to make my new city my home, and not just my place of residence. I took myself out to concerts solo, attended Meetups, and explored new neighborhoods. A lot of this time was spent alone and many points along this journey I wondered if it would ever pay off. Was my goal of building a new life in a new city always a pipe dream?

But now I am over two years in and I have a solid group in place and am employed in a new role. I am finally accomplishing what I set out to do, and I couldn’t be more grateful.