I had no plans for this past Saturday. When I rolled out of bed a little after 10 in the morning, I felt groggy but relieved that I had made it to the weekend. I quickly remembered that I had a sugar free Red Bull in the fridge. This was motivation enough to get my butt out of bed. I shuffled over to the kitchen, retrieved the beverage that was waiting for me, and popped the top. As soon as the B-vitamins began working their magic, I summoned the energy to shower and start my day.

I called my family back East to catch up. Then I got started on catching up on the chores that I had let slip over the work week. I went from room to room, gathering up clothes and blankets to wash. I filled up a load and got started on my laundry. Once I got the washer spinning, I sat back at my computer and started flipping through radio stations until I finally found one that was fitting of the mood I was in. I settled on some rowdy hard rock mix. This is not my usual, but it felt like a nice counter point to the peace and quiet of my domestic Saturday.

At this point, I was enjoying myself. I had just lived through a difficult, trying work week. It had been filled with screaming coworkers, anger, and disruptions. I was drained and content just to stay at home, doing chores and listening to music. My weekends used to be chaotic affairs. When I was younger, I could leave for a party on Friday and not return until Monday or Tuesday, easily. During these times, leaving what felt like the warmth and security of my friends and other creature comforts felt unbearable. The last thing I wanted, in these moments, was to go back home alone to my quiet apartment. Now, I long for those moments where I can be alone. To me, solitude is now equivalent to peace.

So, when I then got a text from my friend that she was in the area and wanted to meet up, I was initially hesitant. I was fully committed to mildly productive day of chores and navel gazing. But she had reached out to me and, I reasoned, it would be good to actually get outside.

I finished up my chores, recharged with a healthy meal, and headed out into the world. I met up with my friends at a vintage shop. We tried on clothes, laughed, and bought inessential things that filled us with joy. Afterwards we retreated to a cozy café where we ate and sipped milkshakes and lattes. We talked about our families, our plans, and our feelings.

As we said goodbye at the end of the night, I was glad to get back to my solitude. But while I was happy to be alone again, I was also glad that I made a choice to get out of my apartment and make time for my friends. I am in a phase where I am still trying to find a balance – between my social needs and my desire for introspection. But then again, I feel like I was always trying to strike that balance. The difference now is that I am more cognizant of it. But I am also much better at it, and happier as a result.